i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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