We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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