So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
