That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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