I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
