I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
