I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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