I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
