I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This house was built for laser tag.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
