Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
