You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
