"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
