The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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