Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
