I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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