I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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