Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize