I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
