i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
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there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize