I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
