So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if only i could text you this smell
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So squirting runs in the family.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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