Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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