So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
