Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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