have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
