Too much gin, very little bucket
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
