I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
