There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
