If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
