Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
what the fuck happened to the tacos
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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