There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
