If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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