those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
