everyone is single if you try hard enough
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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