the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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