On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
