clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm always down for nudity.
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