it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Randomize
