oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
