We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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