its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry about my life...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
