you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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