hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
