I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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