All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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