Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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