Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
