My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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