would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
