Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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