god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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