ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
