I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
