Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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