im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sorry about my life...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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