Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
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i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
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Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I pour the whiskey from now on
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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